I'm back
I have been very busy, but I took a break last weekend to go visit my sister and her 6 wk old baby. Lab has been hectic... but when is it not? I feel very scattered lately. If I actually list out what I need to get finished, in order to get out of here I get overwhelmed. If I look at why I and my lab is so behind I feel the same way. I feel like I've been treading water with lead bricks attached to my feet and unless someone throws me a lifevest soon I will sink....
It is hard to put your all into something when you don't even know if it will last. My PI still has not gotten a grant.... nor has she published any papers from our lab in 4 years. She has published with her collaborators, which helps her search for tenure but leaves us hanging. We have at least 4-5 projects sitting around in various incomplete states that just need to be analyzed, or written up, or simply re-edited and resubmitted.... How do you ask for help without making your PI look bad? How do you push to get all of this out the door, when you have been watching your mentor struggle with deep personal issues and you know she is doing her best right now? She has just mentally been absent since at least Christmas.. and isolating herself from the lab and other faculty. These are things that involve her family, are mostly out of her control, and I am pretty sure no one knows about them but me. My older and wiser science sister suggested looking for a different lab. But that seems premature and I don't know where I would go. Plus switching now would mean all new projects, all new stuff for my prospectus, not something I want to do now. Now that I actually have been collecting some data for my prospectus... Finally getting some data but where am I going with it? I just feel like I give and give, only I am always two steps behind.
anyway on another note. I immensely enjoyed my long weekend away from the lab hanging out with 2 of my sisters and my 2 nephews. We had a great time. My older nephew (who is 3) is such a good big brother already and has such a fantastic imagination, we went into outer space and he suggested we visit Mercury . He melted my heart with his little voice, "B, will you play with me?" so sweet and innocent. I spend so much of my time in "lab" mode that it felt really good to switch over completely to a different mode for a while. Plus we all got to talk a lot, go shopping at an IKEA (yay) and just enjoy being sisters together, that don't often get to see eachother. My little nephew is a good baby and a real snuggler. It did energize me and I will plow on...
It is hard to put your all into something when you don't even know if it will last. My PI still has not gotten a grant.... nor has she published any papers from our lab in 4 years. She has published with her collaborators, which helps her search for tenure but leaves us hanging. We have at least 4-5 projects sitting around in various incomplete states that just need to be analyzed, or written up, or simply re-edited and resubmitted.... How do you ask for help without making your PI look bad? How do you push to get all of this out the door, when you have been watching your mentor struggle with deep personal issues and you know she is doing her best right now? She has just mentally been absent since at least Christmas.. and isolating herself from the lab and other faculty. These are things that involve her family, are mostly out of her control, and I am pretty sure no one knows about them but me. My older and wiser science sister suggested looking for a different lab. But that seems premature and I don't know where I would go. Plus switching now would mean all new projects, all new stuff for my prospectus, not something I want to do now. Now that I actually have been collecting some data for my prospectus... Finally getting some data but where am I going with it? I just feel like I give and give, only I am always two steps behind.
anyway on another note. I immensely enjoyed my long weekend away from the lab hanging out with 2 of my sisters and my 2 nephews. We had a great time. My older nephew (who is 3) is such a good big brother already and has such a fantastic imagination, we went into outer space and he suggested we visit Mercury . He melted my heart with his little voice, "B, will you play with me?" so sweet and innocent. I spend so much of my time in "lab" mode that it felt really good to switch over completely to a different mode for a while. Plus we all got to talk a lot, go shopping at an IKEA (yay) and just enjoy being sisters together, that don't often get to see eachother. My little nephew is a good baby and a real snuggler. It did energize me and I will plow on...
posted by B @ Saturday, July 22, 2006
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