A working relationship

I read some blog posts about chores and marriage and how people in real life to decide to split them. I feel like E and I have made some progress on that front. This Wednesday he washed the pots I cooked with after dinner! This has been the only major reoccurring discussion we get into. I think if I cook almost all the meals all the time then he should help clean up, and just putting our two plates in the dishwasher doesn't count. He kept arguing that he really hated to do the dishes, and it wasn't fair for him to do clean up just because I made the food. Why is it fair for me to do all the planning for making meals, cooking, and clean up? I think he finally realized he was being childish. Of course I still cook and clean up most nights but having him help out now and then will be nice. His first response was to cook dinner so that I would have to clean up, but I realized that I'm sort of a control freak about that. I had to sit back and just let him make it without being, "hey I would break up the meat like this, or add this to the sauce, or simmer this first and then do xxx" I did do the clean up but he hasn't really volunteered to cook again. I try to be a good cook too in the fact that I clean up as I go, so lots of the prep stuff is already on the drying rack or in the dishwasher by the time it's actual dishes time.

Usually the minute I walk in the door, I'm getting stuff out and starting to make dinner. He always decompresses a little first and then goes to the computer. Or if we work out, then when we get back, and because it is later I'm still the first one to start cooking, while he takes a shower, and sits down. This week I prepped food and left my meat to marinate, worked out and showered, before cooking. And he actually cleaned up that night so it was fabulous.


I know these are small things, but in day to day life they help. E is a good husband in many ways. But I think splitting chores with how we are comfortable is important. I sometimes feel guilty like I'm not as good of a wife, as my mom was, because I want to split more chores. She says, "Your father always had pressed shirts ready to wear, and a hot dinner on the table when he got home" I think that is great, they decided that she would be at home w/ the five of us kids, and he would work. But you know, I am working on this damn PhD and so chores will have to be shared!