unbridled enthusiasm
I wish I still had it... sometimes. I realized this after talking to our new grad student who is technically starting in the fall but is around now. He is so excited about getting started on EVERYTHING that he just can' t wait. He wants to be involved on every project possible in the lab, even the "longshot" ideas that I doubt will see the light of day. Or at least not anytime soon. He can't wait to take classes and move into his office. He is so sure this is the only thing he wants to do. I'm glad he is excited. I just told him to enjoy the time he has because once things start he will be busy.
I guess I used to be that way, what happened? I am still happy to be a student. In fact I feel like I've finally come to peace with the fact that I will always have stuff to do and always be behind and things will be "a work in progress". I don't stress out nearly as much anymore and I am actually content most of the time w/ the day to day lab duties. But, I miss the pure excitement, the feeling of joy just to be able to do this. I think it has slowly been beat out of me the last 4 years. I met those fourth year students who were cranky and full of drudgery when I started, and I thought why are they so negative? They are doing what they want to do. Now I know why they may have been that way. I also realize that it is wonderful to be excited about new projects and ideas, but that this lab tends to have many big ideas, few actually realized due to various constraints. Learning which projects have a chance to grow legs, is important to me. Especially, before I invest months of my time in them, only to find out they won't actually go anywhere. (Lesson from year one, and still in progress!)
It also got me to thinking about my life in general. Here I am, invested 4 years of my life into this lab, program, school. And for what? A possible career path. One of uncertainty, and one that is highly competitive. One I hope to find a position in that I will like and that has some flexibility for a family. Yes, I would still do it because I wanted to get this degree and study the brain. But, it is intriguing to think, why am I not like some of the people I have met. People who are free to just have a 'regular' 9-5 job, for some indeterminate amount of time. Who live on a reservation for 6 months, or teach English for a year, or travel for 6 months. Then change jobs before deciding their next adventure. Part of me wishes I could do those things, but then how do I pay my rent? And when I get back what do I do? Did I waste my youth and fun years in lab?
Then I saw the list of things you can do w/ a PhD on pondering's fool blog
http://ponderingofafool.blogspot.com/2007/06/ranking-graduate-programs.html
and it made me feel better. No matter what happens I can do something! (that is if I ever write my prospectus that I've been neglecting)
Well I'll end my pondering's here for now....
I guess I used to be that way, what happened? I am still happy to be a student. In fact I feel like I've finally come to peace with the fact that I will always have stuff to do and always be behind and things will be "a work in progress". I don't stress out nearly as much anymore and I am actually content most of the time w/ the day to day lab duties. But, I miss the pure excitement, the feeling of joy just to be able to do this. I think it has slowly been beat out of me the last 4 years. I met those fourth year students who were cranky and full of drudgery when I started, and I thought why are they so negative? They are doing what they want to do. Now I know why they may have been that way. I also realize that it is wonderful to be excited about new projects and ideas, but that this lab tends to have many big ideas, few actually realized due to various constraints. Learning which projects have a chance to grow legs, is important to me. Especially, before I invest months of my time in them, only to find out they won't actually go anywhere. (Lesson from year one, and still in progress!)
It also got me to thinking about my life in general. Here I am, invested 4 years of my life into this lab, program, school. And for what? A possible career path. One of uncertainty, and one that is highly competitive. One I hope to find a position in that I will like and that has some flexibility for a family. Yes, I would still do it because I wanted to get this degree and study the brain. But, it is intriguing to think, why am I not like some of the people I have met. People who are free to just have a 'regular' 9-5 job, for some indeterminate amount of time. Who live on a reservation for 6 months, or teach English for a year, or travel for 6 months. Then change jobs before deciding their next adventure. Part of me wishes I could do those things, but then how do I pay my rent? And when I get back what do I do? Did I waste my youth and fun years in lab?
Then I saw the list of things you can do w/ a PhD on pondering's fool blog
http://ponderingofafool.blogspot.com/2007/06/ranking-graduate-programs.html
and it made me feel better. No matter what happens I can do something! (that is if I ever write my prospectus that I've been neglecting)
Well I'll end my pondering's here for now....
Labels: after school then what?
posted by B @ Monday, June 25, 2007
1 Comments:
At 7:46 PM,
Field Notes said…
Thanks for the pondering fool link - I'm going to check it out. I have a PhD and am unemployed - it sucks. If I had known I'd be slaving away unhappily for all but ONE of the years of graduate school (the first!), all for the *chance* at a career, I'd have reconsidered!
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