Feeling lost

It is almost the end of February and I’m feeling behind again. If I have an immediate thing to work on (like the paper the last couple of weeks) I feel good. I work more hours and am happy to do that. I feel productive and in a good place. As long as I don’t get too stressed out and lose sleep, then I’m happy. But it is easy to fall back into the trap of working till 8 or 10 or working both Saturday and Sunday. Then the paper is in, the immediate pull is over and I’m tired. So I don’t work a weekend. Then I feel guilty, I should have been working. I have a long list of stuff to do if I am ever going to leave this place. Starting with finishing my proposal so that I can actually get it approved, so I can collect all the data and write the dissertation. Then I feel even more behind. But I don’t know where to start. I have been writing some. I need to write a lot more. I have reading to do but am unmotivated to dig in. I have a different manuscript to write, but I need to really sort out my results first, what does it mean, and what has been found recently that I’ve missed in this area to help me interpret the data? I need a concrete plan but I know I have to make it myself. I need a motivation fairy. But not one associated with the ticking clock I hear in my head all the time.

P.S.

Dear S-
I’m sorry I whined to you on YOUR birthday! I was being a bad friend! I hope you have a lovely week and I would like to see you sometime. Maybe when some of this snow and ice melts!